


Hurley's Hooligans

by vanilla_alia (ashheaps)



Category: Bandom, Fueled by Ramen
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, They are a rec league how do I tag that?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:34:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashheaps/pseuds/vanilla_alia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is exactly what would happen if Andy Hurley started a) a magazine and b) a softball team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurley's Hooligans

**Author's Note:**

> Summary fic. Just pretend like we're talking instead of you wanting to read dialogue or plot.

So Andy Hurley had this brilliant idea to start a rec softball team one Thursday night when he was watching reruns of the Cosby Show on Nick and Nite and he realized how tired he was of having nothing to do on nights like this. Andy asked around the office and figured he’d have enough interest by his first practice so he started to plan. The first person he asked was Pete, one of the writers at the magazine and one of his oldest friends. Pete was good at networking and thus had at least ten other interested parties by the end of the week. He even came up with the name, Hurley’s Hooligans.

After the first practice, they held a team meeting in the wooden bleachers of the local field. Andy passed around a clipboard and covered all the topics he had planned on hitting: practices on Tuesdays and Thursdays, games on Saturday mornings, standard fastpitch softball rules. When he reached the last order of business, the uniforms, he asked the impending team members for any suggestions. Every single one of the men turned towards Greta, the only girl on the bleachers who was busily scribbling down her e-mail address onto the paper clipped to the clipboard. She had rolled her eyes once she realized the numerous pairs of eyes staring at her and around her, waiting for her direction. “Sleeveless is fine! I really don’t care!” she had exclaimed before going back to the papers to fill in her cell phone number (in case of last-minute game cancellations). 

It takes Hurley’s Hooligans a couple embarrassing games to get the positions right.

Greta is the pitcher because she played Little League all through middle school. When they all tried their hand at pitching at the first practice, Greta was the best at it. Thus, she became the resident pitcher. She is pretty good at it and she wants to get better; she’s a southpaw! Lefties are golden! She warms up in the bullpen and toys around with different pushes off from the mound, different grips on the ball. No one really knows how to instruct her at her craft, so she tries to shake off Andy’s permanent stares at her during her windup as him studying her technique to hopefully help her brush up some aspect of pitching. Andy doesn’t have a clue how to pitch, he just likes to watch Greta’s chest jut out when she releases the ball. Greta is in school and knows Patrick through music theory class; a class in which she does alright and Patrick does spectacularly.

Patrick is the catcher because the equipment fits him best. He thinks he’s too slow to play any other position, but says his fast-twitch muscle fibers enhance his reaction time behind the plate. Patrick also secretly thinks he can pass off his heavy sweating as the insulation of the gear. Andy’s not one to pass up a willing offer to be the catcher in all that coated plastic and rough-weave polyester gear. When Patrick has his contacts in, he can see 75% of the field. Which doesn’t sound so great, but Andy is reassured that Patrick is actually looking at and paying attention to the 75% of the field he can see, which is more than Andy can say he’d trust the other Hooligans. 

Patrick is also the only person that is not afraid to accept Greta’s pitches without flinching. He tutored her once during their unit on special timing measures and he learned just how vicious Greta could get when she was frustrated. Patrick just bites his lip harder under the helmet when Greta picks up her arm speed. Patrick is always really calm at practice because he comes straight from the after school care job he works. He tutors kids and they genuinely make him happy and a little more motivated to make himself unsingle. So far, no luck. Drummers around the area are kind of like an underground cult—they know every other drummer within a fifteen mile radius, which is how Andy offered Patrick the production editorship at the magazine a few years ago. 

First base is Andy because, as the leader of the team, he needs to be involved in the maximum amount of plays. Andy, despite his serene and higher-pitched voice off the field, is actually scarily vocal between the chalk lines. Andy has no qualms with yelling at one of his teammates when they fuck up. But he always yells funny things! He means for them to be serious and to get his team back on track, but they usually just end up sounding funny. 

Like the time he yelled at Patrick to “Hold on to the damn ball. There’s a reason you have a glove and not mittens” during the rare silence of one of their games. The entire team somehow manages to fit the phrase “no glove, no Hurley love” into every possible situation after that. Andy acts like he’s ticked off, but really is just happy that he’s having more fun than he ever expected.

Joe is one of the student interns at the Metro Magazine and is a utility player that gets stuck at second base most of the time. He’s played tee ball before, so he has a bit of a clue as to what’s going on, but that’s about all. Andy would make any other person of equal skill level play the outfield, but Joe found out real fast that he was allergic to the fertilizer the city uses on the grass. And if there’s anything worse than a slightly out-of-the-loop Joe, it’s a slightly-out-of-the-loop Joe with a stuffy nose, red swollen eyes and itchy red rashes on his elbows and knees. He gets to play second because it’s the shortest throw to first. Plus, Andy secretly loves to take care of Joe; he’s like the little brother that Andy never had, even if Joe doesn’t know that. Andy can also order him easier from five feet away and Joe’s pretty good at doing what Andy says. Sometimes though, Joe will admit, Andy gets a little bossy.

Pete keeps Andy in check, especially when his gaze stalls on Greta a little too long. Pete usually goes about this by throwing clods of dirt at Andy from short stop—his position. Pete always bitches about not having an actual base to cover, so in turn, everyone plays off of his short stature. 

“I know: short guy plays short stop. Ha fucking ha.” But he plays there because he loves the glory of the infield but uses his baselessness to bypass some of the blame for poor plays. He’s usually pretty focused and he can move laterally better than most. He loves to dive and get dirty for unnecessary plays. Pete’s one for theatrics. He’s been buddies with Andy for a long time and he finds that he’ll do anything for Andy, including starting the magazine all those years ago. It was Andy who came up with all the ideas and proposals, but it was Pete who made everything fall into place. Andy can never repay him, he says, but Pete just smiles, all upper teeth and gums, and pats Andy’s back whenever he expresses such. 

Pete just wants to write. And as long as Andy’s got the magazine, Pete will be one of the chief writers. He currently has a piece in each issue, some type of column about local happenings or poetic observations about life and the world. Pete volunteers at the animal shelter with Ryan Ross on Sundays and works Saturday nights at the local throwback drive in theater. He gets to wear cute pixie-ish hats and a white apron and spitter around the lot with the sounds of Grease in the background, knocking on car windows of the teenagers he’s known since they were mere kindergarteners to his seventh grade superior. It’s pretty much his dream job, living in the past.

Bob Morris plays third. Ugh. But seriously though, Bob isn’t a bad guy at all! He’s really nice and likes to laugh along with the team, but he’s the token worry wart. He freaks out if someone gets all the way to his base! Especially if they steal. He can stop the ball and has a great arm and he works better under a little pressure. But sometimes he gets a bit overwhelmed. Like their first game of the season. He didn’t even get out of the dugout. Bob passed out and it wasn’t from the heat. Bob gets hooked up with the team through Jon Walker. They took the lifeguard certification course at the YMCA a couple summers ago and played unconscious for each other during CPR practice. They kept in touch and have done lifeguarding jobs together ever since. It pays good money! And Bob’s always got the future terror of the student loans he keeps accumulating on the back of his mind. 

One afternoon during the summer, he lifeguarded at one of Jon’s friend’s party. One of the guys there was being stupid by the diving boards and showing off for his friends. He ended up struggling to stay above water and Bob sighed before diving in to save the kid. And that’s how Bob saved Brendon Urie’s life. Of course, Brendon is grateful and gives Bob his number after they’ve both dried off. And that’s how Bob finds his soul mate. Bob calls him and discovers that he’s crazily in love with him. He always feels pretty nerdy around him, because Brendon knows more about music than Bob could ever imagine knowing. Bob gets rides to and from practice from Brendon in some weird form of payment for the whole saving his life event. Bob is just jazzed to get to spend some more time with Brendon.

Brendon runs the concession stand at the field on game days. Brendon is awesome because, when he drops by to pick up Bob at the end of practice on Thursdays, he unlocks the stand and checks what supplies he’ll need to purchase from Sam’s before Saturday morning. He also gives Darren a deal on the blue Gatorades. Brendon knows and remembers all the people who have ever come by to watch a game. The old men who bring their own seat cushions for the bleachers and buy peanuts by the hundreds from Brendon think he’s a very promising young man. He just smiles his squinty smile and starts bringing them all glass bottles of Coca Cola from his Friday evening Sam’s Club run. Brendon’s awesome at networking and Pete has to shoo Andy’s interest in him. 

“You know you could never replace me,” says Pete. Brendon coordinates the post-game lunches for the team on Saturday afternoons. Pizza if they win, more toppings if they lose. Brendon kind of loves Jon Walker, one of his best friends. This is a very sore spot for both Bob and Brendon, because they both know Jon’s just a friendly guy all around. Also because Bob is secret about his crush on Brendon. And Brendon is not so secret about his love for Jon. Bob likes to imagine himself waving his arms in the air around Brendon when Jon turns down his offer for movie dates as if to say “I’M RIGHT HERE! LIKE ME!” 

Jon Walker is the resident team doctor because he has that whole lifeguard thing. He’s needed so often, he’s toyed with changing his major from economics to premed, just so he can be a nurse. But then Brendon expressed some lewd desire to see Jon in Sesame Street printed scrubs with a stethoscope and he decides to stick with econ. Jon was also the only person willing to hold an ice pack to Bob’s neck when he got really nervous at the first game. He took turns moving the ice pack around and pouring water down his hairline. Bob found some weird comfort in his care and suddenly forgot all the jealousy over Brendon’s affections that he harbored against Jon. Jon’s pretty good at hitting, so he hits fielding practice for everyone. Andy still barks out orders, but signals when he’s ready for Jon to hit the ball. Jon always looks funny in his unzipped sweatshirt and flip flops on the field, but the ball moves, and that’s all that matters.

Spencer Smith is the team’s equipment manager because he’s bitchy enough to meticulously make sure all the batting helmets get back into the proper bag. He was also the only one with a clipboard in his car during the first practice. Spencer doesn’t mind Febreezing Patrick’s gear after each game because he’s got this weird admiration for Patrick. He’ll never admit it, but he’s become increasingly interested in Patrick’s job and wonders if he would like his own intern at the magazine. Spencer buys a copy every time they release a new issue, just to see Patrick’s funny staff photo at the beginning. And Spencer thinks Greta’s hot, and Patrick’s like the inside connection to her, being her trusted catcher and all. Actually, the entire team totally loves Greta. But Greta totally loves Patrick because he’s the only person on the team that doesn’t overtly hit on her. 

They make out once in the parking lot of the pizza place when Greta catches a ride with Patrick after their second tournament game. Patrick likes it and it’s nice, the kissing, but when Greta tries to allow Patrick some other concessions, he just can’t make himself do anything. Somehow, it works out better that way, the tension. Patrick doesn’t tell anyone, because he knows they’ll all bust his ass for it until he hurls himself from a cliff. Most of the time he wishes he had the guts to have done something more that night, or confront Greta about it to see if they could try again. 

Chris Faller and Darren Wilson are the right and center field duo, respectively. Bob is Darren’s philosophy TA who actually reads Darren’s homework and writes meaningful commentary on it. They lunch together a lot. Darren and Chris were roommates freshman year and now they live in a suite with two other guys, but they’re mostly inseparable outside of that. Darren ran track in high school and he has enough coordination to be a great center fielder. He also likes that he doesn’t have to worry about line drives knocking out his teeth—he’d feel really bad asking his parents to pay for more corrective teeth devices. Four years in braces was enough for him, thanks. 

Chris on the other hand, well, Chris is in right field because he’s never played before but he was willing to play when they needed another outfielder! He uses Darren’s dad’s old glove and chews his lip all the time. But Chris is incredibly motivated. He always asks Jon if he’ll hit him extra reps after practice with this look on his face like Jon will refuse. He always smiles and scratches at his beard and says Yeah, Sure, Anytime. Darren stays and waits for Chris—they walk back to the dorms together and since it’s usually dark by the end of practice, neither of them want to walk alone. Darren always grabs two blue Gatorades off of Brendon and watches Chris practice. Chris certainly tries hard, but he catches just about half of the balls he’s hit. He’s improving though! Some days when the numbers are lower, he takes to sort of shuffling off the field, shoulders hunched and a saddened trot in his step. When those days come around, Darren convinces Brendon to let him have some Ring Pops and Airheads from the stand. Sour apple makes Chris feel better.

Of course, there was this one game. Ah, this one game. It was just another Saturday morning game. Hurley’s Hooligans were ahead by only one run and the tying run for the McCoy Maniacs was on third base, waiting to be hit in. So of course Bob was freaking. As well as the rest of the team—Maniacs beat them by twelve runs last time so to have the tight lead at the bottom of the last inning was pressure enough. They had gotten two clean outs, only one more left to end the game. Greta pitched an outside fastball to the batter and of course, the batter turned on it and pushed it out in Chris’ direction. 

Chris started moving in slowly, tracking the yellow ball in the mass of blue sky. Darren flipped out, dreading Chris’ future miss, and ran over to back Chris up to hopefully peel in just in time to save the play. The air was tense and nearly silent on the Hooligans. Even Andy was all gums. Turns out Chris had tracked the ball correctly, but right as he went to catch the pop fly, his ankle failed him, turning in on itself and causing him to tumble to the ground in a heap. BUT somehow in all that chaos, Chris managed to cradle the ball in his worn glove, making it a sound catch to end the game. Darren saw the whole ankle twist, so he swept him off his feet and onto his back to slap hands with McCoy’s Maniacs. It was, Chris will admit, his most glorious piggy back ride. 

Left field, well, left field is kind of a crapshoot. There’s really no telling who is going to show up to play left at each game. Sometimes Spencer stands out there during practice just to have a body there. It’s usually Pete who recruits friends to play. Most of the time it’s Nick Wheeler, Pete’s intern Tyson’s best friend, that comes out. Nick likes the sleeveless shirt (it tans his arms just right) and gets excited when he finds out Pete will let him keep the hat. And Tyson always comes to the games Nick plays and helps Brendon lead cheers with the crowd. Usually they end up being the only two cheering unless a few little kids come by and want to scream along. The kids like Tyson and Brendon because they act just like them. Brendon once tried to get the kids to all build a human pyramid with him and Tyson on the bottom (and Tyson went along with it totally fine! He actually liked the idea. Thought it was a good one.) but it was Pete, of all people, to run from the dugout and scream at Brendon Urie for being so stupid. Brendon doesn’t really take much criticism to heart, but he promptly stands up and suggests the kids sing another round of Take Me Out to the Ball Game. 

When Bob was incapacitated that first game, Gabe Saporta filled in for him at third. And if McCoy’s Maniacs (Saporta’s real team) aren’t playing at the same time, Gabe will play left field for Hurley’s Hooligans. Sometimes Darren swears he throws the game with what little influence the left fielder has. Darren just thinks a player of Gabe’s caliber should be able to catch a few more fly balls is all. But Gabe and Darren just don’t hit it off, so if Nick’s got a full schedule and Maniacs are playing the next field over, Andy will stick William Beckett or Ryan Ross out there. William always gets distracted by something or another (usually his buddies from Maniacs who just so happen to be walking by the fence at the time) and Ryan looks like a lanky diva in his designer glasses and styled hair.

William is the pinch runner for when a Hooligan gets on base. When William’s too hung over to focus on his base running, Ryan’ll do it for him. Ryan really doesn’t like to get dirty though. But he realizes the team needs him to do this small favor of scoring, so he slides when necessary and only then. He’s actually faster than William, but William isn’t bitchy about having to stand on second base in the heat. Ryan also hates what the helmet does to his hair. He claims he’ll have Patrick’s locks by the end of the season if Andy keeps making him wear that thing. Patrick’s too used to it all to be offended, but Pete can still catch the snag in Patrick’s demeanor after Ryan’s said something about it. Pete usually quelches all complaints from Ross with a carefully placed hand to his shoulder blade. Ryan really wants Tyson’s spot, to be Pete’s writing intern, to get him coffee and make calls, but Tyson’s actually friendlier than Ryan’s ever been, he’s better for the job when it all boils down. Ryan settles for being the next best thing for Pete and spends the rest of the game trying to get Pete to actually admit to it. Pete never does; he doesn’t need to. Everyone pretty much knows anyway.

Maja Ivarrson is the first base coach for McCoy’s Maniacs who has this affliction for being hard on Joe. And Joe, in typical Joe fashion, has this affliction for getting a hard on about Maja. She’s not very nice to him at all, laughs when he trips to field ground balls or tosses a really slow lobbing throw in Andy’s direction, but Joe can’t seem to shake his love. Maja works in Op-Ed at the Metro (because she’s certainly very Op’inated) and writes some of the best articles most of the staff has ever read. She, of course, knows this and doesn’t ever let them forget that she came back from her spot at the New Yorker to take the quaint job at the little Magazine That Could. No one is really sure how Andy met Maja, but she’s the city girl temporarily in the working-class shoes. 

Maja and Joe have this butting heads relationship. When she’s coaching, Joe is the enemy. But when she’s walking back to her car in the afternoons, she’s a little more receptive to Joe’s offers. Maja’s the only girl who will smoke up with Joe after the Saturday games. Joe really likes drawling from the hookah with Travis the shortstop and other McCoy’s Maniacs members, but Joe gets kind of silly and fast-tongued when he’s high. Maja, of course, is silver cool regardless of her state of mind. Joe tries, genuinely, to get Maja to at least go down on him, but she won’t so much as kiss him; she wants her men to be cognizant when she rocks their world off its hinges. Joe, of course, figures this out when they both skip out on hanging with their respective teams and have lunch together on a Saturday instead. They somehow end up in a deserted public park under the shade of a huge tree half naked on both parties and Joe finds that he can’t speak until he takes Maja back to her car at the softball field parking lot. Maja likes to be around Joe when he has no clue as to what to say. Joe doesn’t typically score with Seriously Hot chicks! He’s a little shocked! As is Andy when he finds out, quite frankly.

Hurley’s Hooligans finish in the black with a 10-8-2 record. They lose in the second round of tournament games, but only because they were shortchanged on one-too-many calls at the plate. Greta even hit a home run in the last game! Everyone was so proud! William was mostly happy because he didn’t have to pinch run for her. While Hurley’s Hooligans are bummed about the end of the season, they are also sort of happy that they get a break for a little while. Brendon has lots and lots of pizza delivered to the field and everyone has a post-game picnic on right field. Patrick gives Greta his pizza crusts while Brendon does cartwheels in between pepperoni slices and sips of Riptide Rush Gatorade and somehow manages not to throw up. Brendon’s mostly just happy to get to be with everyone after cheering his head off from the concession stand counter. Once Brendon has decided he’s been acrobatic enough for the afternoon, he sprawls across Bob’s lap, watching Bob chew through his own pizza thoughtfully, trying to veil his utter glee.

Joe sits on his glove and takes off his shirt to make a makeshift blanket, just in case the fertilizer has been refreshed. Spencer is worried there won’t be enough pizza for everyone and eyes the boxes like a hawk, phone poised and ready to dial. That is, until Greta touches his arm and tells him to just relax. Spencer finally unknots his shoulders and grabs a slice of veggie. Andy makes a speech and recalls some of the great memories from the season and everyone laughs as they wipe off their fingertips with paper napkins. Pete silently rubs at Ryan’s waist under the hem of the uniform shirt and Ryan finally gets the feeling that maybe Pete really does mean it. He casts a worried glance in Pete’s direction during Andy’s speech and Pete smiles low and lazy. Ryan sighs, relieved, and leans back into the touch. 

Andy gives Chris the Most Improved Player award and Chris couldn’t smile wider. His award is a pair of curly shoestrings “so they’ll stay tied and reduce the chance of an outfield blunder,” says Andy. Darren gives Chris a big hug after he gets his award at the team powwow and helps Chris spray paint the shoestrings gold to make them worthy of hanging on their dorm wall. Andy gives Greta Most Valuable Player in the form of a rhinestone encrusted jockstrap. No one really asks any questions, but Greta is fearless in handling the piece of equipment. She “accidentally” permanently leaves it at Patrick’s apartment after the game. No matter how many times he tries to subtly return it to her, it always ends up back on his dresser, next to their framed pictures together.

Then the whole team presents their cumulative gift to Jon; a makeshift Med School survival kit which consists roughly of a box of extra sugary Cocoa Puffs (which Brendon expresses an immediate interest in consuming with Jon), Dora the Explorer Band-aids, coffee beans, a Little Tykes stethoscope, a surgical mask and a gift certificate to Krystal burgers. Jon is flattered and excited and ends up tearing up a little. William gives him a huge hug and Jon knows that he’ll be invited back next season. Then everyone presents Andy with his present from the rest of the team—an extra large package of pistachios (vegans need baseball snacks too!) and a plastic megaphone with “The Enforcer” sharpied on the side. 

Someone hands Tyson an armful of cameras to take a final team picture. It’s on the cover of the next Metro Magazine.


End file.
